Traditional co-parenting involves communication and cooperation. Parents work together to act in the best interest of their children. They communicate regularly about social, medical and educational matters. They provide support for one another when unexpected complications force deviations from the parenting schedule. They are positive about one another and keep parenting standards consistent.
Unfortunately, not everyone can maintain a positive co-parenting dynamic. In some cases, there is intense conflict. Both parents may struggle to regulate their emotions when they interact with one another, or one parent may turn every custody exchange into a fight. In such situations, parallel parenting can be a viable alternative to traditional cooperative co-parenting.
What is parallel parenting?
Parallel lines do not intersect. Similarly, the parenting activities of adults who parallel parent usually remain separate. Parents have their own rules and schedules at their own households. They do not coordinate with one another the way that those actively co- parenting do.
This inconsistency can make the arrangement more confusing for the children in some cases, but parents can reinforce their own standards and schedule expectations at their individual households. Technically, neither parent has control over what the other does with their parenting time anyway, so releasing expectations can be a way to limit stress and conflict.
Although children generally benefit from cooperative parenting approaches that keep things as consistent as possible, minimizing conflict can be more important in volatile situations. By letting go of expectations for a co-parent and maintaining consistency on a personal level, those dealing with a contentious co-parenting dynamic can preserve their peace and act in the best interests of their children.
Parallel parenting often requires minimal communication between parents. When they do communicate, it should be about the children. Many adults who parallel parent keep all of their parenting communications in writing, possibly through a parenting app. While parallel parenting isn’t necessarily the ideal, it is a workable arrangement for those who cannot maintain an amicable or healthy dynamic with a co-parent.
Learning more about different systems for managing shared child custody is important for those preparing for divorce or separation. Parallel parenting is one of many options that work for families when parents share custody.
