Working cooperatively to raise children after the end of a relationship isn’t easy even when parents do their best to keep things amicable. Inevitably, parents find themselves disagreeing on something important.
Perhaps one parent is more anxious than the other about a teenager beginning their driver’s training. Maybe the parents disagree about involvement in full-contact sports or the age at which a child can join social media.
Parents may find themselves fighting, which can cause stress for them and their shared children. The three tips below may help parents navigate conflicts about raising their children.
1. Embrace time for cooling off
Insisting on settling a disagreement as soon as it arises isn’t necessarily the best option. People can become quite heated and may have emotional reactions to their conversations.
Parents often need time to consider the matter on their own and allow their emotional responses to subside. Then, they can make more rational determinations about what comes next. Agreeing to table a matter for a few days could help parents prevent a simple co-parenting disagreement from spiraling out of control.
2. Keep the focus on the child, not personal authority
Sometimes, disagreements between co-parents gain more momentum than they should because parents focus on themselves instead of on their kids. They become so fixated on their perceived parental rights and their need to assert themselves that what their children desire or need becomes less of a priority.
Both parents may find it easier to compromise and work toward a viable solution if the focus is on the children rather than on personal parental rights. Parents may also want to realign their perspectives about one another and remember that they are both trying to take care of the children in their own ways. Staying positive about a co-parent can make it easier to cooperate with them.
3. Arrange for outside support
Sometimes, personal values or emotions simply do not allow for compromise or a quick resolution to a parenting disagreement. In such scenarios, parents may need the input of an outside party.
Perhaps there is a counselor who offers co-parenting services nearby. Maybe both parents attend the same church and can agree to speak with the minister there. Having a neutral outside party who can help manage the dispute can go a long way toward keeping things amicable.
Occasionally, the decisions that parents make require updates to the custody arrangements. Other times, repeated conflict could be an indicator that modifications are necessary. Custody disagreements are all but inevitable for many families. Having realistic plans for the challenges of co-parenting, including the inevitability of disagreements, can help parents offer better support to their children and one another.
