Divorce is an event that sometimes causes the worst side of adults to come out. Each side might dig their heels in and fight for what they think they’re due. While this is just human nature, it’s something that can have negative impacts when there are children involved.
As a parent, one of your primary concerns is likely making sure the children are adjusting to the divorce and that they have what they need. Trying to be civil to your ex during the divorce and keeping the conflict away from the children is a priority at this time. It isn’t going to be easy, especially if your ex is focused on having a contentious divorce. You might fare best if you treat the divorce as a business matter and use a professional attitude through it.
One thing that parents in this position must avoid is using the children as messengers. Instead of asking them to relay things to your ex, have the discussions directly with your ex. This prevents the kids from being put in a precarious position that messengers sometimes face. It also helps to minimize the chance that there will be a misunderstanding about what’s being said.
Failing to keep the conflicts away from the children can have a negative impact on them. Children who are subjected to constant battles between their parents during divorce are more likely to suffer from anxiety and other psychological problems than children who aren’t dealing with the drama.
Some might not be able to form meaningful relationships because of dissociation. This prevents them from having appropriate attachment to other individuals because of a fear of abandonment.
Trying to work as a parenting team can reduce the chance of children suffering negative psychological impacts. As you work out the terms of the parenting plan, be sure to get them in writing, so there aren’t issues in the future.
